Chase the Blues out of the Terrible Twos (and beyond!)

Parents are often screaming for solutions that will help them handle their toddler going through the stage we call the “terrible twos” – especially when those twos expand into the threes, the fours, maybe even the teens, and into adulthood!

Yet the terrible twos really need not be terrible, and in fact should be lots of fun.  If you and your child want to do less whining about this stage of development, here are a few suggestions:

• Make sure your child is provided with adequate transition time when moving through daily activities.  Moving them abruptly from one thing to another will only result in their getting angry and frustrated.
• Offer your young child choices as much as possible so they feel like they have some control over their lives, despite the limits you need to set.  For example, don't ask them if they want to go to the doctor – but do ask them if they want to bring their bear or their bunny along for the visit.
• Note that children will whine more when they are tired, hungry, bored, overstimulated, sick or not getting enough attention – so watch for those cues and head them off before they become full blown.
• Some parents will whine along with their child, and find that their grating voice often stops the child's own grating, and everyone ends up laughing together.  An even better approach is to praise your child when they ask for something nicely rather than in the whining voice.
• You might create a “whining place” such as your child’s bedroom, or if they are older, give them a notebook to write or color in to express their frustration and replace their having to whine to you.
• Avoid eye contact or any verbal response to whining, and provide it immediately if your child uses his/her regular voice. Don’t give the indicator that whining bothers you, or your child will do it all the more. In addition, if you yell or whine a lot, or give in to your child’s whine, you are setting the wrong example for your toddler. 

Hopefully these tips will stop you and your toddler from whining when it comes to chasing the blues out of the terrible twos, and make them into a terrific time for you and your toddler.

Lewis First, M.D., is chief of Pediatrics at Vermont Children's Hospital at Fletcher Allen Health Care and chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont College of Medicine. You can also catch "First with Kids" weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and WPTZ Channel 5, or visit the First with Kids video archives at http://www.FletcherAllen.org/firstwithkids